Golden
by MichelleKelly
Summary: Fiction or not, this is written as a part of a novel that was started about 2 months ago. BDSM D/s situations involved.


I didn't realize till now that I'd have to re-type this since my desktop on which this was saved went defunct.

I was hoping to not having to do this again. If you think yours is hard, I've not even started and I'm already shaking, and without a doubt, I will tell you know I'll more than likely throw up at least three times. Delving into my past has never been easy. I've become good at dsiguising, and lying about it to others. Going back means reliving everything- reliving it forces the same feelings and reactions on that day. And like I told you, this is in explicit detail. It might take you a day or two to read this fully. If you asked to be released based on what you will have read, I do, understand.

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I can't remember too far back into my kid hood. However I believe my first traumatic memory is between seven and eight years old. As a child I had nightmares quite often. My mother was still into the whole "I can be good mom' phase and would let me crawl into bed with her and my father if I had a particularly bad night. As young as I was I wasn't aware of the problems that my parents had. They went out, to dinner and wherever the fuck they stayed till 2 a.m. My babysitter was 16 at the time, she was one of the 'goth' girls in school. Pay attention, this will come back.

One night, it was a Thursday, funny how I remember these things. It was a calm, cool, October or November night. I had a nightmare- don't remember what it was about. I woke up warm and sweaty- and I freaked out. I ran out of my room, and tripped down the last half of the stairs, as I was getting off the floor, I heard muffled screaming, I figured dad had the tv on, he usually did. I rubbed my sore knee and limped to their bedroom door, excited that I would be watching a movie with dad in bed.- I can't even describe WHAT I saw, my father was on top of my mother,-- they were both naked, his hand was over her mouth and I don't remember if she was tied down or if his other hand were holding hers down—she kept screaming through his hand. I passed out. I woke up in the hospital with my mom some time later.

My dad began drinking, after some time- he became a mean alcaholic. This will also come up later.

When I entered high school, my dad started having liver problems related to his drinking. I don't want to say that I matured early, but that was probably the case. I didn't care much for highschool. The best part was that girls actually paid attention to me. Because of my dad's violence when he was drunk, I had been working out so that I could keep him away from mom.

Tere was a girl named heather—she was a junior in one of my classes I don't remember which one, but we began dating. We hadn't been dating long—maybe 2 months, before we had sex for (my) first time. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, it was extremely awkward and she kept fucking laughing at me in my ear. She dumped me two days later. I wonder why (sarcasm). I was almost fifteen, and apparently my parents still thought I needed a babysister over spring break while dad was in the hospital.. Remember the goth girl I mentioned earlier? She was still my sitter. She was 23, and she was fucking hot. She had noticed my lamenting and told me I needed to be a man, and we fought for a bit, it almost got physical, I had her wrists in my hands, against the couch, I was nearly on top of her, as she was in my lap. Then she grinned and started grinding against me.

We had sex on that couch, and that's where it started. I naturally took dominance over the situation, and she let me. She wanted me, and she wanted to train me. She told me she was an Olde Guarde Domme, trained, by another. In essence, that makes me one as well, although I don't brag or barely mention it.

Training was tedious. She acted as a sub- taught me the ropes, the rules and how to fuck, make love, have sex, and screw. I was fifteen about 3 weeks after we had started, when I turned 16 I bought my first car, I had money saved from being a waiter. The car was a 1986 Ford Escort.

To this day I still drive it.

One night she came over, more dressed up than usual. She wore cuffs and a collar which I'd never ever seen her wear. When I demanded that she removed it, she got mouthy and told me I was a child. Eventually, I ripped the collar off her neck and demanded an explanation- before she could open her mouth I tore of her cuffs.

She was covered in bruises. We hadn't been playing with breath play, I confronted her and she evaded, eventually I was on my knees in front of her begging her to tell me. She told me that her ex boyfriend had raped her and tried to strangle her, the cops refused to do anything. About a week later she came back—more bruised she said the cops refused to help her, and when she came back the third time- the capillaries in her eyes had ruptured. This time, I called the cops myself, she wasn't lying when she said that they wouldn't help her, They merely shrugged their shoulders, mumbled and left.

She was more than upset- the look in her eyes is something that to this day I can't even describe. That night she asked me to make love to her, and I did, in the middle of our living room floor. Her eyes glazed over and I held her afterwards. I was growing attachments, and I told her that I loved her. She seemed to stutter non-sensical words back. When I awoke with her in my arms the next morning, my mother was home.- This tells me that she knew what had been transpiring between us, and that she didn't care. I looked at my Mistress while she slept- taking in the bodily abuse, and felt my anger constantly growing. It wasn't really even planned. I moved without emotions without thinking. I grabbed my hunting knife and left, I sped down the freeway to where he lived.

I can still remember how satisfying it was when I heard my knife dig into his chest. After that I blacked out, till I was on my way home. A semi cut in front of me and I oversteered, plowing into the guardrail, flipping the car three times before walking away and walking home. Mistress saw me first, I had thrown my shirt to the side of the road sometime after I got out of my car. Yet, there was still blood over my arms and hands. She just looked at me, knowing what I had done, and told me to take a shower.

After I was out of the shower I came back to her, she was sitting on my living room couch and I curled up next to her. That's when she took the black leather cuff off my wrist and told me that she couldn't do it anymore. It had become too much and she was fearful of my strength. I kissed her on her forehead and told her I still loved her.

The trial was uneventful. I took a plea bargain.

Prison for the most part was uneventful, however one night me and a few other guys kicked a child molestor to death. One of the female guards had me cuffed to a chair she was interogating me, and back in the day- it was legal for them to beat me with their nightsticks. So she was, and it was making me hard. And I told her this. When I did she clubbed me across the face and I grinned at her, teasing her, and telling her I wanted her on my hard cock.

I hate to brag, but I know I have good looks. I had been in prison for 4 years, I needed to get fucked. I worked my words and that night she rode my cock while I was handcuffed to that chair.

About three weeks after that a fight broke out between the niggers and I got caught in the crossfire. I was shot in the shoulder. Put on a morphine pump, and I was fine.

about 6-7 years ago I did join several d/s yahoo groups under many fake names. I used names of random objects, colors, car parts, Golden, Battery, AlternativeBox, _Hesinki_, they were all along those lines, there were 4 different groups that I joined uinder different aliases. I was 26, my daughter was around the age of three. I do remember the names "Diamond". there was a reason that I was drawn to the name as it was the middle name given to my daughter, her name LucySky. yes, I suppose it was a cruel joke. But it was my joke.

my wife and I often argued over cars. I prefer Ford, she wanted a toyota. So with daddy's money she bought a Toyota Avalon.

Pay attention, that will become relevant later on.

I hated that car. I never drove it, i rarely even rode in it.

but anyway.

Under each of my aliases I had created a 'character' each alias had a fake name, I lied on each of them about my prison time. though I never faked photos, --instead I lied about y personal life, fearful of the reaction of the community, as my wife had spread much gossip it was pathetic. I would come home and log into the computer after I put Lucysky to bed. my wife and I hadn't gotten along well after Lucy, was born, so I avoided her and looked for something else online.

Our entire marriage my wife was a bitch.-- she would only have sex in missionary because everything else was 'dirty'.

I had been 'weird' from early on. I had a fondness (and still do) for leather, chains, and gloves. First few months out of prison I bought a motorcycle invested in a fe leather jackets and boots and felt content for oh, about 6 months, then I bought leather chaps, another 3 months. That's when I started contemplating on body modifications (this is 12years ago), got lazy and didn't do it till more recently. I played with dark Colors, blacks, blues, greens, never really wore anything other. somewhere between that and some really bad pot, I met my first wife.

and married.

we had our daughter 2 years later, and she was a daddy's girl. at 2, all of her barbie's were headless, and one time she managed to shove one of them into the engine of a car I was working on, I ended up selling the engine "V6 runs strong, comes with Barbie head" my wife was irritated. I found it hilarious, Lucy would hide barbie heads for me to fine. at one point there was one in a Catalytic converter. I still haven't figured out how she did that one. They were in cereal boxes, shoes, literally everywhere.

at three she was helping me work on cars, and my marriage was deteriorating further, my wife and I stopped having sex and she became resentful of the time I was spending with my daughter.

This is the time that I joined several yahoo groups and alt. com (I think that's what it was) It soon became close to an addiction-- and my whole attitude with my wife changed. Simply, I stopped taking her shit. I became more assertive and pretty much told her to shut the fuck up. she threatened to divorce me, I told her to go right ahead, I'd get custody of Lucysky either way----it went in circles, mind you she didn't have a job.

January 12, 2004

my wife and I decided to go out that night to celebrate my daughter's 5th birthday which was January 14th. Since i was coming from work, I ended up driving my truck, as it was bad weather, and we met at a resteraunt/bar-- it was her idea, not mine.

She drove her car. people who saw us come in together, assumed we came together, as I odn't usually drive my truck. Neither of us drank, and afterwards, she said she was taking Lucy shopping for more barbies. I left and went hom and to bed.

she went shopping, but then stopped at another bar outside town-- with my daughter. i was sleeping soundly till the police knocked on my door.

Honestly, I thought they were coming to arrest me, i figured i'd done something rong that they needed to address. However, the cop stated she had been going the wrong way on the I-90 and crashed into an oncoming SUV, she flipped her avalon three times, over the gaurd rail. three occupants were in the SUV, 2 were wearing seatbelts.

the local news state one survivor out of the accident-- which unfortunatly was my wife. the victims weren't identified for about 4 days. however they did state "Victim fitting the description of (my name) - the male occupant in the SUV wasn't wearing a seatbelt and was ejected and flew 85 feet. he was so battered and beaten he was unrecognizable. people didn't know that I wasn't in the same car as my wife. I stayed in my house for several days.-- didn't visit my wife in the hospital-- did nothing literally.

I didn't log online. after 3 days I had to make funeral arrangements.

I stayed offline for a few months. then I came back for some time--- though it was short lived, the mild association wit "diamonds" and my daughter became too much for me to bear, so I let my submissives go,-- I left all 4 groups and haven't been back since. I don't know if they're even raround.

that is about all I can explain right now.


End file.
